The Weenie Police


Be the first in your gym to make a political statement that’s noticed outside the shower.

In San Francisco, there’s a ballot proposal that comes from so far out of left field that even Anthony Weiner wouldn’t support it. In fact, judging from recent photographs, the Big Dog might be one of its most vocal opponents if he didn’t otherwise have his hands full.This from a recent story in the San Francisco Chronicle: By law, since more than 7,700 signatures were collected, a proposal to ban the circumcision of male children in San Francisco will be on the ballot this November. Initiatives must have at least 7,168 names to qualify.

Think about that for a minute. Over 7,700 people of voting age, who were presumably able to hold a pen, and remembered their own names and addresses, actually signed this petition.

If the measure passes, circumcision would be prohibited among males under the age of 18. The practice would become a misdemeanor offense punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 or up to one year in jail. There would be no religious exemptions.

Supporters of the ban say male circumcision is a form of genital mutilation that is unnecessary, extremely painful and even dangerous. They say parents should not be able to force the decision on their young child.

So who are the supporters of this ban? The head (pun intended) of the movement is Lloyd Schofield, a 58-year-old who says he used to work for a “major hotel chain.” He lives with his partner near the Haight-Ashbury District, and they have no children. Schofield became interested in the topic after seeing the Bay Area Intactivists marching in the Gay Pride Parade a few years back and has since become an “intactivist” himself.

For the more curious among you, Schofield has a website that explains the cause in more detail: If you’re so inclined, when you’re there, you can buy the T-shirt proudly featured above.

But lets get our minds out of each other’s underwear for a minute, and address the larger issues here. Suppose San Francisco voters approve this ban. This is, after all, a city that has outlawed plastic bags and putting toys in any Happy Meal over 600 calories, so who knows?

If this initiative passes, the city faces a problem that eluded Mr Schofield’s foresight: Most police officers would rather move to Venezuela before they would do weenie checks on anyone either under or over age 18. So what division of the SFPD will be assigned to enforce this law?  The Sexual Offenders Unit? The Missing Persons Unit? The Part of a Person Missing Unit? The Anonymous Tip Unit?

The more I think about this, the more I want to move on to my next story, which will examine the fire hydrants of San Francisco, and ask why they are incompatible with hoses used by every city in California.

It’s just one more episode in The Real Hosers of San Francisco.

Source 1:  SF Gate, online home of The San Francisco Chronicle.
Source 2: SF Gate.
Source 3: MGM Website (No, not that MGM).

Update: As of this writing, no weenie- snipping initiatives are on the ballot. Even the courts in San Francisco had sense enough to put their left feet down.

One thought on “The Weenie Police

  1. Very enjoyable reading. I’m a senior who lives in Rohnert Park, and actually don’t want to live anywhere else, especially Sebastopol. No one seems to understand my reasons, but high priced boutique and grocery stores that charge double the prices I normally pay is one reason. Traffic is a primary one, with this lovely town leading in traffic accidents. Lately, this little progressive town has had a double murder, and a rape. Some female residents think that the city/county should initiate a “warning system”. I tell them that there is one:
    Women, don’t walk alone at night!

Leave a Reply